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.At Beta, I was given a sched-ule every day that had meetings all day on it.If I did everythingon the schedule, that was a good day.You don t think to ask, What do I want to accomplish today? Once I decided to leave,I had to figure out for myself how to fill that void.Dan gave one year s notice, to give himself time to find a suc-cessor.As a lame duck, he faced an instant loss of prestige and ex-clusion from the inner circle.Episode after episode, and the depthof emotion each generated, drove home how much he relied on histitle for a sense of self-worth. Who am I, if not my job title? wasan open question.One idea he began to explore during his last year at Beta wasgraduate study in organizational change, an area in which hecould both apply and learn from his own experience.But every-one advised against doing a second doctorate, suggesting insteadthat he explore part-time teaching at one of the many businessschools that used seasoned executives to expose students to thepractice of management.He investigated programs on the Web,piquing the interest of a professor who wanted to form a virtualteam of academics and business practitioners to teach leadership 067-088 Ibarra CH4 3rd 9/24/02 11:21 AM Page 79deep change79courses.Thanks to a simple cold call, he landed a part-time teach-ing and course development role at a prominent business school.It seemed an ideal transitional solution.Dan had alwayswanted to teach.Since his priority was to spend more time withhis children, he was also drawn to the flexibility of a part-timerole.In the meantime, he had the time to coach his girls soccerteam and do all the other  dad things he had previously missedout on.But even then he doubted his own motives.I wrestled with who I am.I wondered if coming to a top-ratedbusiness school was more of the same, equating my value withthe position.There s the  big me  the person I want to be andthe  little me  the petty self that needs crutches to go throughthe transition, the me that asks,  What would Mom say about mebeing a professor here?He struggled to understand his drive. Why do I still feel aneed to do more? Obsessive workaholism isn t healthy.I don t likebeing driven by an unknown force.I want to get to the root of it.Why do I always have to be doing instead of just being? With theslower pace came a deeper awareness of how much his childhoodaffected how he had approached his career. I realized that 40percent of my peers grew up like me, in alcoholic families.We be-came overachievers, always trying to do more.We never feel we regood enough.The more he probed what was driving him, the more Dansought to understand his heritage as the child of an alcoholic.I went into the Al-Anon program to get help resolving some of theissues that came from living with an alcoholic in my formativeyears.I m amazed at how much I m seeing and how it s been rightin front of me the whole time.Either I wasn t ready before or itdidn t speak to me in the right voice.The myth that I had control,that I could impose my will on the universe, was so deeply em-bedded that I didn t even know that there was a world of faith.Consequently, I never understood some of the basic tenets of life. 067-088 Ibarra CH4 3rd 9/24/02 11:21 AM Page 80oooworkingidentity80Of course, I m only beginning, but it s really exciting.Once youhead down the path of discovery, there is no going back.Who intheir right mind would want to live unconsciously?As he reflected on his life, Dan also experimented with how tohelp executives reach a higher self-awareness. In class, I wouldmove into a discussion of the emotional issues that businesspeoplearen t supposed to talk openly about, using three specific examplesfrom my experience: the loss I felt when the business was seg-mented, and my sense of failure despite objective success; the dif-ficulty I faced in balancing my family and my career; and myexperiences equating self-worth to position and title. As part ofthe thought process, Dan also decided to write about his transi-tion. I don t know if it will be of value to others, since it s so per-sonal.I m writing it for therapeutic reasons, and we ll decide whatshould come of the results.About a year and a half after Dan left Beta, an attractive op-portunity came his way, interrupting his moratorium on a searchfor a more permanent job.The offer was a trigger.It made him ask the larger question of what do I want to do with the rest of mylife. It was the chance to be the CEO of a company with excitingtechnology and great potential.I was very excited because what this company needed was ex-actly what I do best, but it would take a large time commitment.I would still love to build a very successful company.But afterthinking a bit, my decision was simple.I have the most importantjob that there is already, as a parent for my eleven-year-old twins.Their relationship with their mother has been volatile since ourdivorce, so I need to be the foundation for them.As I wentthrough the decision-making process, I talked to the kids coun-selor and to my old boss, who is now retired [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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